Keep Calm and Blame it on Your Parents
Why does it feel as if psychologists and psychotherapists always want to blame your parents?
Is it true that when you talk about your childhood with a Coach or Therapist you end up blaming your parents? And by parents it could be the people who raised you, your biological parents, grandparents, etc.
Clients often feel disloyal, when we talk about their early life experiences. They tell me "I don't want to sit here and blame my mum or dad". Fair point actually.
Are your parents to blame for your psychological problems and challenges in life?
From my point of view, it is not about blame but about understanding. And that we need to feel some anger and fire in order to gather the energy and momentum inside to separate from the "story" and become our own individual self. For example, imagine you grew up having to please your mother in order for her to be in a good mood and the two of you to get along, and you feel you have re-created this behaviour in your romantic relationship. Realising where the pattern originated, and feeling the anger you couldn’t release as a child creates an energy inside, a fuel that makes it possible to change. It ignites a power that says “this no more”, which brings about insight and behavioural change.
So for me it is not about blame at all. Our parents were the way they were due to their own life experiences. And with a coach or counsellor we just try to stop a generational pattern and replace it by something healthier for all parties involved. But I‘d love to hear your thoughts, does it feel like blame or could it also it about understanding and transformation?
